We see the phrase self-love appearing everywhere.
From social media to advertisements shown on our television screens, to articles and posts in magazines, and even on this blog, advocacy for self-care is popping up everywhere.
But what exactly is self-love?
And do you need to do it?
The short answer? Yes!
What Is Self-love?
Self-love is evidence of how much you love yourself. When you love something, you take care of it.
It gives you the opportunity and permission to learn to love yourself the way our Heavenly Father loves you. You need not depend on anyone else to render the care and attention you need.
It creates the mindset of developing a routine.
It sets the foundation to educate yourself on how you should care for yourself daily, weekly, monthly, and or yearly for the rest of your life, God’s way.
I like to say that self-care is taking time for yourself to spend time with God so that He can direct you to do the things that He knows will bring you peace and clarity.
Not only does it recharge you, but it also refills your cup. It helps you to regain focus to get the ball of life moving again.
It creates an environment for you to focus on what you should do next.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-love is caring for oneself.
Self-Care is evidence of how much you love yourself. When you love something, you take care of it.
Angela, Founder of The Kinky Stages of Motherhood
As a mom, you need to care for and love the body that helps you get through your day.
It’s imperative not only for your mental health but for you as a woman to get in touch with the essence of who you are again.
You are a mother. An evolving woman. Take care of yourself. The woman you’ll be in the future is dependent on the choices you make today. So make it count now. Your future self will live off the benefits tomorrow.
Why Is Self-Love Important?
Feeding your body, mind, and soul teaches you to listen to what God needs you to do at this moment. It allows you to love yourself where you are now while growing into the person God created you to be.
You are basically putting yourself in a position to pay attention to everything that is going on within you. From here you can decipher if things need to improve or be removed from your life.
When you decide to focus some attention on yourself, not only will the benefits be limitless, they are priceless.
Have you ever heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”?
Try it and see what comes out.
More than likely, nothing will come out. But if you had turned your cup upside down after drinking a beverage and a trickle or two drops came out, you wouldn’t be able to fill someone else’s cup with it.
In hindsight, when you’ve depleted yourself of all energy, you feel tired, lazy, confused, and possibly even worthless. Nobody likes to feel this way, and you’re no exception.
Just like with anything that requires the use of energy, you have to replenish what you’ve lost or used up.
By implementing self-love into your daily routine, you’re allowing God to pour into you so that you can continue to be a blessing to those who need to hear your story.
When Should You Take Time to Care For Yourself?
Self-love is essential and something that you shouldn’t put off to the side to do when you have time.
It’s one of those things that you have to make time for, even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day.
It’s your time to do what you need to do for yourself to get the ball going in the direction that you need it to go so that you can live a better life. A purpose-filled life.
Yeah, that was a mouthful.
But consistency is key.
You may be thinking:
“What time is she speaking about?”
“Does she not know my life?
“Between doing housework, the kid(s), and did I say housework, I’d be lucky if I get 5 minutes to myself”.
Challenge Yourself To Start Today
Believe you me, I know life as a SAHM can be stressful. Challenging even.
It can be overwhelming to the point where taking care of yourself is not on your list of priorities.
Heck, it probably doesn’t even make it to your top 5 things to do as a stay-at-home mom to keep your sanity, but not only does it need to be done, it is something that can be done, even for the oh-so-very-busy-mom.
For this to happen, figuring out a game plan that you can stick to is vital. It will ensure that you come out winning most of the time, if not every time.
You need to recharge. The more you do it, the more focused you’ll become in completing your tasks and goals.
Self-Love Tip: If you can make time for yourself every day for at least 15 minutes, do it. But if once a week, every other week, or once a month is doable for you, do it! Don’t let this month pass you by where you’ve spent zero minutes on yourself.
How Can You Take Better Care Of Yourself?
Now that we know the what, the when, and the why of self-love, how exactly does one do it?
To be effective, you have to be consistent. At this point, it sounds repetitive, but consistency is key. It will get you on track to being in a better place. Now, this is not only physically and mentally speaking, but also emotionally as well.
Think of it as maintenance for your body. If you don’t maintain it, it will break down, and we don’t need that happening.
I’ll give you ten things you can do today, and then I challenge you to think of ten more ideas. Write them down, add to them when needed, and stick to them.
You’ll be surprised at how much doing little things for yourself will awaken something within you that will have you feeling like a new woman.
Simply going for a walk to breathe in some fresh air (which is debatable and not what this post is about) can help you get your mind where it needs to be so you can start doing the things you need to do.
Let’s face it, you have a purpose that’s unique to you, and you won’t know what it is if you don’t spend time with yourself.
Self-Love Tip #1: Pray
This is not the usual tip you would see in any self-love blog post, but it’s necessary. Before you take your first steps towards your new journey, you should make sure that it is in alignment with God’s plan for your life. And how will you know what God’s plan for your life is if you don’t talk to Him?
God’s Promise Then
Jeremiah 29:10-14 (AMP) plainly states this:
10 “For thus says the Lord, ‘When seventy years [of exile] have been completed for Babylon, I will visit (inspect) you and keep My good promise to you, to bring you back to this place.
11 For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
12 Then you will call on Me and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear [your voice] and I will listen to you.
13 Then [with a deep longing] you will seek Me and require Me [as a vital necessity] and [you will] find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.
14 I will be found by you,’ says the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and I will [free you and] gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ says the Lord, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’
God’s Promise Today
Now, Although this promise was for the elders in exile and to the priests, the prophets, and all the people whom King Nebuchadnezzar had taken into captivity from Jerusalem to Babylon, God’s promise is still the same for all who accept Him today. God wants a relationship with His children. He wants us to need Him. He should be the one on whom we are dependent.
Let Jesus Take the Wheel
We can fuss and complain about our lives. We may even entertain the thought of taking our lives into our own hands (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Better yet, we might perhaps allow ourselves to believe that we are the only ones capable of fulfilling our dreams. While this may be true (Philippians 4:13), let us not forget where our true strength comes from. When we pray, we put God at the forefront of our lives. We allow Him to move as only he can, without any interference from us. Prayer gives you clarity for the next steps you have to take on your journey, even if it doesn’t make sense to you right now.
So take a deep breath, mama. Now exhale. Take God with you on your journey to self-love and I hope you come out, in the end, exuding the love God has for you to those who are lost and in need of experiencing Him for themselves…even if they don’t want to admit it.
Self-Love Tip #2: Drink Water
Water helps flush toxins out of your body, but most importantly, it keeps your body hydrated. When you are dehydrated, things will seem as if they’re off, which will hinder how you function as a whole. So hydrate your body to give it an extra boost.
Self-Love Tip #3: Eat
Disclaimer: I am in no way shape or form a doctor. While informative at best, my opinions are my own. Any questions that you have should be addressed by your doctor. Don’t come for me.
Nothing says I love you like the food you put into your body.
Food is the fuel that our body needs to do all the things we need it to do. When your body receives the proper nutrients, it causes you to not only feel good but look good as well.
Look for foods that boost your mood. Foods such as walnuts and almonds are high in minerals and essential fats that help to nourish the brain.
Your brain is made up of fat. Sixty percent to be exact with two-thirds being made up of DHA. DHA protects our brain from injury and inflammation. The fat in your brain is essential to its overall function. So eating foods, such as salmon, which is one of the go-to brain food that is high in Omega-3s and DHA is highly encouraged.
Other foods and drinks to consider are green tea, (which is known to lower anxiety), kimchi, and yogurt (which are probiotics known to have a positive impact on anxiety and depression), Berries (which are a good source of manganese . Manganese is another essential mineral the body needs to function properly). We can’t forget the veggies, fruits, and grains, and get ready for this one, dark chocolate!
So eat up!
Side Note: Schedule your appointment for your annual checkup. By doing this you can see what you need to improve on or maintain. Once you have an idea of what is going on inside your body, you can come up with a game plan to help get your body back to being its best self. No judgment here. You know what your body needs. Feed it accordingly.
Self-Care Tip #4: Take a Shower
Time can escape you and, before you know it, you’ve gone the whole day without taking a shower. Take time to pause and determine which time is best for you and get it done. You never know what the day may bring. Plus, when you’re clean, you feel refreshed and energized. We’re getting our act together this new year.
Self-Love Tip #5: Brush Your Teeth
Hey, it happens. So let’s make sure it doesn’t become a bad habit. We have to take care of ourselves from the inside out. Cheers to making your life a priority in every aspect of the word.
Self-Love Tip #6: Get A Facial
Get a facial or do one at home. It will help to remove all those dead skin cells that are on your face. It will also create a smooth surface and brighten up your face again. But most importantly, it should help you to feel better about your appearance. Create that natural glow you’ve been craving, it’s within your reach.
Self-Love Tip #7: Make Time For Family Time
As mothers, quality time spent together is what most of us crave. We want to create memories with our babies and spend time with our husbands. Or maybe you want to ship him off to Timbuktu. Or maybe you just want time to yourself. Whatever you choose, make the time to do it. Make it count. Because at the end of this life, when we are no longer here on this earth, our children will be left with their memories of us.
SN: If you have to be the one to initiate the plans, make it happen. It’s ok. Parenthood should be a partnership. Someone has to lead at one point or another. You got this, Mama!
Date Night Ideas
Self-Love Tip #8: Dress Up
When was the last time you got dressed up because you wanted to? Give yourself a reason to look good even if you’re not going anywhere fancy. Your children are looking at you. Show them that even though mommy may have an off day or two (or more), she still took time to take care of herself.
When you look good, you feel good. A nice shirt and bottom will do. Nothing too fancy if it’s not within your comfort zone.
Self-Love Tip #9: Do Your Hair
I remember the longest I’ve gone without doing my hair, was for about 5 months. Terrible, I know. But doing my hair plus four other little heads, seemed like a daunting task that I dreaded taking on. I knew it had to get done, but I just didn’t make the time for it.
Then reality set in. My babies will learn habits whether good or bad from me. So I didn’t want them to think that not doing their hair or keeping it in an unkept state was ok. At least not to my standards anyway.
So while it’s not a perfect journey, it’s something I don’t mind working on. My rationale, it’ll help them to have a positive outlook on their own appearance and how they feel. Not just on the outside, but the inside as well.
Our hair is our crown. The state of it is a reflection of how much you truly care for it. Granted, time doesn’t always permit it and other things get in the way of us actually setting aside the time to do it, but it can be done.
Even if you have to make an appointment for someone else to do it, do it. If you have to wear a wig or extensions because you don’t know how to style it, do it. Just make sure your hair is taken care of while it’s being put away. But if you’re worried about money and can’t afford it right now, pick a day and commit to getting your hair done.
Take care of your hair, mama, and wear it proudly. It’s yours.
Self-Love Tip #10: Say No
If saying yes all the time gives you anxiety or disturbs your spirit, try saying no. It’s ok. Establish boundaries and enforce them when necessary.
Tip #11: Stay Off Social Media
Sometimes we need to escape the virtual fantasy of social media. What you see isn’t always necessarily true but, if it is, it’s their reality. We don’t know how long it took them to get to that point. Also, spending so much time on social media takes away from the time you could’ve been spending on yourself. Spend time with God. He knows what we need and He wants us to succeed in this life.
Extra Tip: Have A Girl’s Day
When was the last time you got together with your friends or just socialized with someone other than your husband and children? Connecting with your family is important, but maintaining your friendships is also important. You had a life before your family came into the picture and sometimes, good or bad, those friendships may help you to put things into perspective.
The Takeaway: Friendships should add to your life, not take away from it. So if you desire some new mom friends, head on over to my Facebook page and connect with other mothers. Build meaningful relationships with amazing people and watch your life blossom.
What Does Taking Care of Yourself Look Like For You ?
When people think of self-love, their views may vary. Some may think it means getting pampered at a spa or getting their nails done. Others might find that reading a book they finally made time for or spending time with God is what they need. There may be others who find solace in exercising, sitting at a table drinking their morning tea or coffee, or even doing or getting their hair done. Is there a hobby that you enjoy doing? Maybe you need to spend time turning it into something more. There are so many ways you can spend loving yourself right now. You are deserving of it all. You just have to believe it to be true.
The possibilities are endless.
Self-love is a solo mission that requires you to help yourself so you can serve others.
Angela, Founder of The Kinky Stages of Motherhood
You can do it alone, with your significant other, or even with a small group of friends.
It’s simple. Self-love is a solo mission that requires you to help yourself so you can serve others. Do what you love and find joy in all that you’re accomplishing. It’s something that, when done intentionally, realigns you with your purpose. It allows you to refocus your mindset to get your life back on track.
You create a routine that gives you a better outlook on life and yourself as a whole.
What Does Self-Love Do For You?
When you’ve accomplished the goals that you’ve set for yourself, it does something to you. It creates a sense of attainment, knowing that you’re able to complete and do anything once you put your mind to it.
At this moment, just brushing your teeth and taking a shower would be life-changing. Because let’s face it, when you put yourself on the back burner, things like that are a constant reminder, or at least it should be, that somethings gotta give.
Mamas, we can’t go on like this because years ago, not doing those things would’ve had you frowning. So let’s break those bad habits and take this self-love thing seriously.
Don’t deny yourself the chance to experience how fulfilling life can be. Take the time to care for yourself.
God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.
Psalms 45:6
You have dreams for yourself, and God has visions for you that He wants you to achieve. Those of which need to come to fruition.
Dreams can come true, even when you’re a mother. If they’re the ones that will put you on a much better path than where you are now, allow yourself to dream big and allow God to direct you.
Allow yourself to be great and start taking care of yourself today.
You got this Mama!
What are some ways that you show yourself some much-needed love? Let me know in the comments below!
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